Exhaustion, fear, or rather a pendulum swinging between both has lead me to be very inactive. I’ve learned a valuable lesson through my inactivity.
I’m not a commodity. Without content, tangible work or a voice, there’s nothing to consume. I still have a million and one opinions, ideas and moments but they are not consumable. Maybe it’s a complacency which falling over exhaustion, but it’s brought me a large gift I’ve discovered. Complacency isn’t always a bad thing like I used to believe. I’m not for everything and not everything is for me and there’s moments I’m better off drinking my water and minding my business.
I sometimes don’t have the energy to share. As the world makes it easier to share opinions, thoughts and moments, it seems ludicrous at times, but even if it’s a few swipes here and there, I ain’t got it.
The world is very black and white right now, and it’s a question of being all or nothing. Deep down I think we’re all exhausted. Get more attention, be more, do more, get more. There’s a push for those that create, to build more content, push more out, be consistent and ever present.
The bigger, better and more mantra leaves out the ability to step back and analyze, more importantly to step back and just be.
Who are we when we’re not consuming or consumable content? Who are we when we’re not consuming? I’ve found so much more peace in doing neither. It seems almost unnatural, to not want or need anything nor to to post anything. The FOMO is real. Once I saw myself scrolling through feeds non-stop trying to find something new, or listening to videos at 1.5x speed, I realized there’s nothing there for me and that’s okay.
This allows me to focus more inward. I can adjust my thoughts and opinions. I can still organically create but there’s no need for a schedule, I can just go ham, as it’s not centered on consumption. There’s no content creator pressure. I write stuff, I make stuff, some good some bad, but it doesn’t matter. I can seem silent, go into a total hermit mode but still add to what I might do next.
I know the worlds attention spans are getting shorter but if I value what I contribute, I’ll take my time with it. Don’t get me wrong I still fear loosing that organic magic of all the moments that just happen, by being consistent in creating. I still fear I’ll miss out on something by not consuming and wonder if it’s doing me a disservice. However when you’re not feeling it, it’s okay. You are still maintain the same value no matter if you bring or take away from the table.
There’s also a bigger push for our attention now that the span of it is so limited and that it can be quantified and monetized. If everything is valuing my attention, so should I. Discernment contradicts habit. I have a huge case of cognitive dissonance, so once a bad habit is built it’s really really hard to break.
If there’s a habit of consuming content and feeling a need to push something out there, ending the motions I just go through takes a moment, where I need to ask myself, what am I doing and why? I don’t need anything and can just sit silently to really observe everything around me. With that I mean looking at, how am I living, what am I doing, how have I built my routines.
This way when I do something it’s with a clearer action plan. I know what I’m giving and why as well as curating what I’m consuming and why.
