I’m an over planner and not a big doer. I can recognize the issue and work backwards to solve it. I know some of my strengths and weaknesses. One thing that’s made me even more self reflective is a wonderful Youtube tarot lady mentioning “everything you like in another person are typically traits you can also find in yourself”. This is parallel to the other side of everything that annoys, aggravates or we just dislike in others is also a reflection. of traits we may have tucked away. There are negative traits I work on within myself. When I see someone else with those same negative traits just flaunting and comfortable amplifying it, it really gets to me.
I thought about this in the context of how I can be so annoyed with how others work, especially when they are my exact opposites on how they attack challenges, but still get along with them. No, I was never a fan of class “group projects” and sincerely believe no one I know ever was. I still can work alongside most, even those who are my opposites. This is not about me touting my own horn. It came to my attention as I was really displeased with how someone works alongside me, and a few minutes later was cool and even having a good time working with them. It’s not just water off of a duck’s back.
Seeing in them, something I know is within myself. It annoys me sometime, but since I work around it every day internally, I can give the same grace to others. It’s not how I roll, but I get it. When an over planner meets a super over planner, things get intense. Dotting all the pointless T’s and dotting all the unlikely I’s, for possible scenarios with very little likelihood. I’m annoyed because as I waste a lot of time, I’m fully aware that we’re sacrificing time in honor of feeling more secure about impossible what-ifs scenarios. Part of me wants to scream “No, this is not productive and we’re just making ourselves feel better but not actually doing anything”. I can also understand the gains by having everyone on the project feel secure.
I note this because fear is a hellava drug. I know as I’m hoped up on it most of the time. Are the right choices being made, are we making the right use of limited resources. There’s also considering how many projects have i started that went nowhere because of months trying to tie-up all the what-ifs. Getting to know myself I’ve taken on a much bigger laissez faire attitude on many things. You don’t reach perfection, only aiming for perfection. As the devil is in the details, it’s good to note them and then take stock. What is possible to do right away, what will I want this to look like in the future, and how can I gradually attack all the details. The solution I found is just by doing. The more you do something, the easier it gets, the faster you are, the better you become at it, and if you do the main task enough, the smaller ones can be added on. Does that work for everyone? Hell no.
Also how do you push for more doing and less planning what-ifs in a group setting. Either everyone has their task, or there’s an assigned leader to take the final decision. All challenges to have everyone heard. Simply explaining that you heard it all out, recapped and calculated it’s causing stagnation and the cost of that, or the risk are not really there. Making it clear, breaking it down and saying it plain.
I have more drafts than published Medium articles, but the only way anything gets out there is by saying, fuck it, lets see what happens. It affords me the opportunity to go back and make the details better. When working with others, I’ll give my two cents, let things be done the hard way and then just shrug in the aftermath.
What do you do when things are at an actual crossroads you can’t come back from? Try not to follow fear. Everything is so much more heightened, at the very least I can say it seems that way for myself. Everything is this world seems more intense, more at stake, every error has a way of following you, what you do or what you might try to do in the future. I still have to find a way to say fuck it. If I don’t leaning in to fear waste time and leads to more stagnation. I’ve been around the block for awhile, and have had a lot of experience in different fields, and see it so often, choices made out of fear. Don’t get me wrong there’s genuine fear and there’s also survival. Making the best choice to see your project live another day is very important, but the amount of minute details drowned out in legalise to only prove itself useful when an outlandish scenario eventually presents itself is often not compared to the loss of time and progress.
I feel there’s a weird shift, where being innovative in the past decades is always hailed as a great feature, especially being brave and successful. We also need to mention being brave, failing and being told “well you shouldn’t have done that, should have known better”. Brave and innovates seems like it’s now honored but only with a second place medal compared to anticipating risk, being risk averse and how clever it is. We see enough failure examples and want to be the heros who made it, anticipating all that could go wrong. We see enough failure examples and want to be the heros who made it, anticipating all that could go wrong. Deep down, we all know that’s out of our control. Such as working with others who have different perspectives. It’s a curveball, but it can also make you reflect on why you like or dislike it and if there’s something you missed. You also can recalculate and see if a new perspective or detail is worth re-evaluating, or changing course for. With the humbleness to know that what you don’t like in someone else isn’t your mortal enemy but probably what you’ve worked to get away from, it may challenge you, ask to let go of some fears.
All this to say, I still dislike group projects but am getting much better at them.
