Nobody wins when the family feuds
I once wrote about the effort set forth to not become the villain in my story. A core foundation of mine is to not mirror those who may have wronged me. Now, as many can attest to being told and my mother said to me as well, “if they hit you, you hit them back”. Fair. That doesn’t mean we’re the same and I just mirror every person who attacks me in any shape, way, or form. I stay me, staying in my element. Sometimes I won’t hit back. Not because I’m better than, but it’s too out of my element, too disruptive to my peace. Though, it’ll reason, itself and my element just might match certain aspects of theirs.
In all defenses, what I choose to do, I need to be okay with. That simple golden rule, treating others as I want to be treated. Picturing those outside of myself as some strange doppelgänger experiment, at least emotionally. Others rationalize their actions as I do, feel, think, live and breath as I do. The results can be different no matter the foundational similarities. Do I judge others, be repulsed by their actions or choices, yeah, but I also remind myself “who the fuck am I?” to come back down off of my ever so comfortable high horse. A social creature ready to echo the noise, actions and energy around me, my core values become a bright red stop sign to remind me that’s not who I am.
If I matched everyone’s energy, took up every fight, throw every person out as I play my own personal judge, jury and executioner, I wouldn’t get far. I don’t want to become the things I dislike. Someone mentioned what we admire in others are characteristics found in ourselves, same with what we dislike. It’s something to remember to keep motivated to become all the things I like and humble enough to know where I could fall down into.
People mention all the division going on, as tensions rise. With enough think pieces, articles or insulated bubbles to confirm ourselves, we can take a warm bath in discontent, comforting our sentiments. It’s because of them, you know, the others, not only disagreeable but wrapped in all the things we don’t like. They are the purpose of all the tension, right? Not to say there’s not an issue and someone or thing at fault worthy of our anger. It’s typically not Suzanne or James or whatever on the other side. When there’s a large issue sowing the seeds of our discontent, it’s bigger than who mirrors the traits of the symptom, because the sickness itself is hard to pinpoint.
Hating on a group of people is cheap and easy, and that’s why you’ll always be encouraged to do so. Think back the last 15 years there’s always been a wrong group, be it political affiliates, socio-economic status, age group, religion…etc. Demonizing people leaves the systems intact and unaccounted for. It’s also easy because people are often wrong. No one is fool-proof so we can find an issue, then subscribe our woes onto it, rinse and repeat. Unfortunately, after time, it typically is flawed and doesn’t hold water to our logical reasoning and gets complicated if not dedicated to hold on to.
I never want to become the villains I’ve encountered, so I can’t do the whole F4F or hate for hate game. There’s typically a redeeming quality in most people, so I can even get angry at someone and move on within the next few hours (more like first 48).Politically I’m also very boring, no conservative or liberal political party bad, rhetoric. I am a politicians’ fair-weather friend. Whoever has my community’s best interest gains my loyalty. Housing initiatives? I’m there! Greenery and community gardens, cool sign me up, but just know I will turn on you faster than the flash if the other guy has a better initiative. I care not.
The tension scares the shit out of me. It’s one part, questioning if it’s keeping tension elevated and people fighting each other as a distraction. It’s partially the knowledge of how far down we can go. If you’re angry enough, you will cut off your own foot to spite your hand. It’s also a worry of who’s next, what new division will need to be sowed to keep this going. Lastly, most of us will try to stay unaffected, but what about those who fall in the cracks?
Someone profits under blind rage on both sides, and not those building up a hernia out of anger and tension.
When you step back and look at it, both sides have now become mirrors of each other. Owning the Libs seemed uniform to a bad contagious attitude on one side, but the other side, with comments about stupidity, that’s what they deserve, lock em up are sounding very much like the extreme other side the vowed not to be. It’s given the guise of for the greater good, however isn’t a moral code and who you choose to be, something that should stand the test of the worst of times, not only the best of times.
I often over analyze and question myself, but was proven who I would be in a dangerous situation by having the gut reaction to grab the person next to me to get to safety. Self preservation is key, but not if it means I’ll also become a dick. When running to safety, I noted, hey, I’m not the type to trip the person next to me to save myself.
These past months have shaken me, not only because of personal experiences, but seeing who people have become. Those claiming a superior moral standing will trip the next guy to feel good, punish them even though it doesn’t add to my safety. It should only last a moment until we realize no one wins when the family feuds, but alas, here we are.
What’s the ending with a quick holistic simple solution, like those “5 steps to being a better you?”, just give yourself a minute when you freak out and make sure you’re leading with love, now more than ever.
